It seems my Tender Lumplings that another Leap Year has arrived and today, Leap Day, is what the fuss is all about. So once every four years we get to have a February 29. As if February wasn't a screwed up month already. It usually only has 28 days while all other months have at least 30. It is stuck in winter, in this hemisphere, and starts off with a holiday that nearly always predicts more winter. I think they stuck Valentine's Day in February just so the month wouldn't be a complete waste.
All of this fuss over Leap Year is due to one simple fact: the measuring of the passage of time is not an exact science. The search for an accurate time measurement system has been going on since time began, or since time began to be noticed. Early man realized the passage of time and has been trying to measure it ever since. Animals don't care about time and neither did the first vaguely humanoid things that fell out of the trees. After he stood upright and looked up at the sky he noticed something. The first most obvious clue was the rising and setting of the sun. Then there was the way the moon and stars didn't appear in the sky in the same place or for the same amount of time each night. Of course all this was first attributed to the Gods and their whims. But then patterns began to emerge and someone started taking notes.
Calenders began to appear pretty early on. And through history there have been countless versions. Lunar calendars and Lunisolar, Sidereal, forced synchronization called "intercalation". There are Julian, Gregorian, Hebrew, Iranian, Islamic calenders. And they are all different some how. Some differ by thousands of years. The comic Jackie Mason noted how the Hebrew calendar dated back nearly a thousand years further than the Chinese one. Which made him ask the question: "How did the Jews survive a thousand years with out Chinese takeout?"
It is fairly widely recognized that some of these other old calendars are more accurate than today's. Most of the world has now settled on using one calender, a modified Gregorian based system. They figured out how many days each month should have and decided a year was 365 (ish) days. And so we have to add one day every four years to make up for the math. Leap Day. Today.
What does all this really mean. Simple, once every four years we have to wait and extra day to get to Christmas. Leap Year sucks.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Good For You... Now Piss Off!
I have tried not to complain too much on this blog. It is not, nor shall it ever be, my intention to use this as a platform for simply pointing out things that I dislike. Yes, I will do that on occasion but I don't want to and will not allow it to become a frequent feature. This blog is about more than that. Sometimes it is about a lot less. But still, my Tender Lumplings, I promise not to abuse my power here by assaulting you with my pet peeves.
So, with that out of the way, I'm sure you all have already guessed what I am about to do. But I will make it fast and then get on with some deep philosophical crap to make the few moments you spend here today worthwhile.
The complaint: I hate it when people use the phrase "If I can do it anyone can". This is offensive to me on many levels. One being that it is an out right lie. Just because you have done something does not mean anyone else can achieve the same goal. It is, in some cases, so far from the truth as to be insulting. Say someone ran a marathon. Does this mean my grandmother could also run a marathon? No, of course she couldn't. Does it mean a quadriplegic could run a marathon? No, and it is terrible to say so. Maybe someone wrote a book. Does this mean the man in a coma at the hospital could write a book? No.
I think you see what I mean.
The second reason I hate this phrase is the way it makes the person saying it out to be some sort of self confessed loser who has achieved some great feat. Like these people had so little faith in themselves, thought so little of themselves, that somehow running that marathon or losing 20 pounds or getting a GED was some sort of miracle. And if a completely worthless bag of crap like them could do it, so could anyone. And we have already proven that to be wrong. Is it supposed to inspire me? If that waste of life can do it...so can I! No, sorry. It just shows me how little people think of themselves and me.
Maybe it is because I am intelligent enough to see through their crap. Maybe it is because I have a positive opinion of myself and my self worth. I know I can do great things. I have done great things. But I also know that just anyone else couldn't do the things I have done. Or the things I will do. For what ever reason. I may have mental or physical capabilities that other do not. I'm sure that there are things others can do that I could never do. But I would never belittle myself, or my fellow beings, but saying that ridiculous phrase.
And now for that deep philosophical advice. It comes to us from that great film Big Trouble In Little China. "A brave man doesn't mind the feel of nature on his face. And a wise man knows when to get in out of the rain." Until we meet again my dears.
So, with that out of the way, I'm sure you all have already guessed what I am about to do. But I will make it fast and then get on with some deep philosophical crap to make the few moments you spend here today worthwhile.
The complaint: I hate it when people use the phrase "If I can do it anyone can". This is offensive to me on many levels. One being that it is an out right lie. Just because you have done something does not mean anyone else can achieve the same goal. It is, in some cases, so far from the truth as to be insulting. Say someone ran a marathon. Does this mean my grandmother could also run a marathon? No, of course she couldn't. Does it mean a quadriplegic could run a marathon? No, and it is terrible to say so. Maybe someone wrote a book. Does this mean the man in a coma at the hospital could write a book? No.
I think you see what I mean.
The second reason I hate this phrase is the way it makes the person saying it out to be some sort of self confessed loser who has achieved some great feat. Like these people had so little faith in themselves, thought so little of themselves, that somehow running that marathon or losing 20 pounds or getting a GED was some sort of miracle. And if a completely worthless bag of crap like them could do it, so could anyone. And we have already proven that to be wrong. Is it supposed to inspire me? If that waste of life can do it...so can I! No, sorry. It just shows me how little people think of themselves and me.
Maybe it is because I am intelligent enough to see through their crap. Maybe it is because I have a positive opinion of myself and my self worth. I know I can do great things. I have done great things. But I also know that just anyone else couldn't do the things I have done. Or the things I will do. For what ever reason. I may have mental or physical capabilities that other do not. I'm sure that there are things others can do that I could never do. But I would never belittle myself, or my fellow beings, but saying that ridiculous phrase.
And now for that deep philosophical advice. It comes to us from that great film Big Trouble In Little China. "A brave man doesn't mind the feel of nature on his face. And a wise man knows when to get in out of the rain." Until we meet again my dears.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Hell Is A Capitalist State
Well, my Tender Lumplings, it is time once again to delve into the murky waters of my unconscious mind. Yes, today we will be presenting another laugh filled edition of The Dream Journal. Now several times before on this blog I have regaled you all with stories of my nocturnal travels though that dark and twisted landscape known as my dreams. I have told you about the various place that I seem to frequent: the Top of The Mountain, the Motel, etc. Today I will introduce you to a new location that I call The Marketplace.
I don't know what town is exists in, probably the same town where the Motel is, but it is not anyplace that I have actually been in my waking life. It is a single street, very long and straight, and there are a few streets that cross it. There is one big main intersection that is wide and open with the buildings sitting well back from the corners. There is a statue or fountain or something on one corner. And this is the only place in the Marketplace where there is any traffic to speak of though you never have a problem crossing the street.
The main feature of The Marketplace is the shops. They are plentiful to say the least and one can find anything in them. I mean ANYTHING. Near the intersection they are mostly nice little stores selling nice little things. There are some lovely restaurants and cafes. But the further one walks down the street the shops change. I want to tell you about a couple of places that I visited just last night.
There are two shops in The Marketplace that I visit fairly regularly: the music store and the comic shop. They are both long, narrow shops that consist of one or two long aisles. Depending on the dream they can sometimes be open air shops, like they are just rows of product set out along the sidewalk, but usually they are enclosed in building set right against a hillside. They have to be long and thin to fit between the hillside and the street thus making the stores only about 8 feet deep and 100 feet long. The music store has every album by every artist ever and a lot by artist that never existed. The comic shop is filled with comic books and model car kits. They are always packed with customers.
Last night something strange happened. I visited the marketplace and the shops were closed. They have never been closed before. The comic shop and the music store, which this time were both open to the elements, were also closed but because they had no building around them, I could just walk about and look at the stuff on the shelves. There were a couple of other people walking around but I didn't know them. It was very disturbing.
Before I go I have to tell you about one other shop that I haven't been too in a long time. It sits up an empty side street just off The Marketplace. It is a dusty and dark, cramped little store. But the treasures it holds are unimaginable. Like Pandora opened her box and used the contents to open a pawn shop. The wonders. You can find your hearts desire and lose you soul at the same time. I have spent many a long night lost in its magical aisles. Some nights I didn't want to wake up.
I hate those dreams the most.
Well, my Tender ones, that is The Marketplace. Well, one side of the street at least. Pray I never tell you about the other side. Until then....
I don't know what town is exists in, probably the same town where the Motel is, but it is not anyplace that I have actually been in my waking life. It is a single street, very long and straight, and there are a few streets that cross it. There is one big main intersection that is wide and open with the buildings sitting well back from the corners. There is a statue or fountain or something on one corner. And this is the only place in the Marketplace where there is any traffic to speak of though you never have a problem crossing the street.
The main feature of The Marketplace is the shops. They are plentiful to say the least and one can find anything in them. I mean ANYTHING. Near the intersection they are mostly nice little stores selling nice little things. There are some lovely restaurants and cafes. But the further one walks down the street the shops change. I want to tell you about a couple of places that I visited just last night.
There are two shops in The Marketplace that I visit fairly regularly: the music store and the comic shop. They are both long, narrow shops that consist of one or two long aisles. Depending on the dream they can sometimes be open air shops, like they are just rows of product set out along the sidewalk, but usually they are enclosed in building set right against a hillside. They have to be long and thin to fit between the hillside and the street thus making the stores only about 8 feet deep and 100 feet long. The music store has every album by every artist ever and a lot by artist that never existed. The comic shop is filled with comic books and model car kits. They are always packed with customers.
Last night something strange happened. I visited the marketplace and the shops were closed. They have never been closed before. The comic shop and the music store, which this time were both open to the elements, were also closed but because they had no building around them, I could just walk about and look at the stuff on the shelves. There were a couple of other people walking around but I didn't know them. It was very disturbing.
Before I go I have to tell you about one other shop that I haven't been too in a long time. It sits up an empty side street just off The Marketplace. It is a dusty and dark, cramped little store. But the treasures it holds are unimaginable. Like Pandora opened her box and used the contents to open a pawn shop. The wonders. You can find your hearts desire and lose you soul at the same time. I have spent many a long night lost in its magical aisles. Some nights I didn't want to wake up.
I hate those dreams the most.
Well, my Tender ones, that is The Marketplace. Well, one side of the street at least. Pray I never tell you about the other side. Until then....
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