Something has been bothering me of late, my Tender Lumplings, and I don’t know if writing about it will help or not but it seems that is what I’m going to do. I do believe that these times we have spent together here have done me good and I hope you have enjoyed them as well. There have been moments of mirth and mayhem and boredom to be sure but overall I think this is a good thing, this so called blog. Even if it soon is over, if the Mayans are to be believed, then I hope it was time well spent. (Although I have to confess I think we are in for another false alarm. The Mayans are going to pull a major “Camping” on us.) In the meantime let us get on with today’s business.
I was working on a rather large project the other day and had a sort of revelation. The project was a fence I have been building around my backyard for some time now. A project that has been going on far too long but that is another blog in itself. While working, I realized something: I have no idea how to build a fence. I have had no training, no instruction what so ever. I was just putting up boards and screwing them together. This sort of seat-of-the-pants work model reminded me of something.
Years ago there was a TV show called M*A*S*H, you may have heard of it. It was about a bunch of doctors at an army hospital near the front lines during wartime. They always said what they did was “meatball surgery”, it wasn’t pretty, but it was effective. They did what they had to in order to save the person’s life. So I decided what I had been doing there in the backyard was “meatball carpentry”. It isn’t pretty but it works. It’s still standing and it blocks the perimeter of the property.
Then I thought about this further and I think I may have been living my whole life that way. I’ve never really done anything right, I have half-assed everything. I slept-walked through high school and college, getting by with the minimum effort required. My work career has been spent playing it safe most of the time. I start projects and make plans that are rarely ever finished or fulfilled. So for the past forty some odd years I have been living a “meatball life”. Making it up as I go and getting by with just a slapdash and improvised system to keep it all rolling. I don’t think things through. I don’t consider what it will take to complete the task I have set for myself. Basically, I’m a hack.
So now I’m supposed to give the big speech: “From this day on I will finish what I start. I will dedicate myself 110% to my plans and projects and not rest until they are complete. I will…blah blah blah.” No I won’t. I won’t do any of that. I can’t change now, not this far into the show. Why lie to myself and everyone else? Better to be honest and say I won’t really change.
However I will make one statement, not a promise, just a statement: I’ll try to do better. That is all I can say, I’ll try to do better. I am going to focus on the four projects I currently have going that have already taken too much of my time and money to abandon. I have long since given up on a lot of things. I will never write that book. I admit I’m not a good enough artist to ever paint that masterpiece. I will never write and direct a great film. But I will try to finish up these four projects and then we will see what happens.
I’m just a guy trying to get through this. I’m not perfect, not even close. But I’m trying, Dearies, and maybe, sometime, I’ll get something right.
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