I have tried not to complain too much on this blog. It is not, nor shall it ever be, my intention to use this as a platform for simply pointing out things that I dislike. Yes, I will do that on occasion but I don't want to and will not allow it to become a frequent feature. This blog is about more than that. Sometimes it is about a lot less. But still, my Tender Lumplings, I promise not to abuse my power here by assaulting you with my pet peeves.
So, with that out of the way, I'm sure you all have already guessed what I am about to do. But I will make it fast and then get on with some deep philosophical crap to make the few moments you spend here today worthwhile.
The complaint: I hate it when people use the phrase "If I can do it anyone can". This is offensive to me on many levels. One being that it is an out right lie. Just because you have done something does not mean anyone else can achieve the same goal. It is, in some cases, so far from the truth as to be insulting. Say someone ran a marathon. Does this mean my grandmother could also run a marathon? No, of course she couldn't. Does it mean a quadriplegic could run a marathon? No, and it is terrible to say so. Maybe someone wrote a book. Does this mean the man in a coma at the hospital could write a book? No.
I think you see what I mean.
The second reason I hate this phrase is the way it makes the person saying it out to be some sort of self confessed loser who has achieved some great feat. Like these people had so little faith in themselves, thought so little of themselves, that somehow running that marathon or losing 20 pounds or getting a GED was some sort of miracle. And if a completely worthless bag of crap like them could do it, so could anyone. And we have already proven that to be wrong. Is it supposed to inspire me? If that waste of life can do it...so can I! No, sorry. It just shows me how little people think of themselves and me.
Maybe it is because I am intelligent enough to see through their crap. Maybe it is because I have a positive opinion of myself and my self worth. I know I can do great things. I have done great things. But I also know that just anyone else couldn't do the things I have done. Or the things I will do. For what ever reason. I may have mental or physical capabilities that other do not. I'm sure that there are things others can do that I could never do. But I would never belittle myself, or my fellow beings, but saying that ridiculous phrase.
And now for that deep philosophical advice. It comes to us from that great film Big Trouble In Little China. "A brave man doesn't mind the feel of nature on his face. And a wise man knows when to get in out of the rain." Until we meet again my dears.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Hell Is A Capitalist State
Well, my Tender Lumplings, it is time once again to delve into the murky waters of my unconscious mind. Yes, today we will be presenting another laugh filled edition of The Dream Journal. Now several times before on this blog I have regaled you all with stories of my nocturnal travels though that dark and twisted landscape known as my dreams. I have told you about the various place that I seem to frequent: the Top of The Mountain, the Motel, etc. Today I will introduce you to a new location that I call The Marketplace.
I don't know what town is exists in, probably the same town where the Motel is, but it is not anyplace that I have actually been in my waking life. It is a single street, very long and straight, and there are a few streets that cross it. There is one big main intersection that is wide and open with the buildings sitting well back from the corners. There is a statue or fountain or something on one corner. And this is the only place in the Marketplace where there is any traffic to speak of though you never have a problem crossing the street.
The main feature of The Marketplace is the shops. They are plentiful to say the least and one can find anything in them. I mean ANYTHING. Near the intersection they are mostly nice little stores selling nice little things. There are some lovely restaurants and cafes. But the further one walks down the street the shops change. I want to tell you about a couple of places that I visited just last night.
There are two shops in The Marketplace that I visit fairly regularly: the music store and the comic shop. They are both long, narrow shops that consist of one or two long aisles. Depending on the dream they can sometimes be open air shops, like they are just rows of product set out along the sidewalk, but usually they are enclosed in building set right against a hillside. They have to be long and thin to fit between the hillside and the street thus making the stores only about 8 feet deep and 100 feet long. The music store has every album by every artist ever and a lot by artist that never existed. The comic shop is filled with comic books and model car kits. They are always packed with customers.
Last night something strange happened. I visited the marketplace and the shops were closed. They have never been closed before. The comic shop and the music store, which this time were both open to the elements, were also closed but because they had no building around them, I could just walk about and look at the stuff on the shelves. There were a couple of other people walking around but I didn't know them. It was very disturbing.
Before I go I have to tell you about one other shop that I haven't been too in a long time. It sits up an empty side street just off The Marketplace. It is a dusty and dark, cramped little store. But the treasures it holds are unimaginable. Like Pandora opened her box and used the contents to open a pawn shop. The wonders. You can find your hearts desire and lose you soul at the same time. I have spent many a long night lost in its magical aisles. Some nights I didn't want to wake up.
I hate those dreams the most.
Well, my Tender ones, that is The Marketplace. Well, one side of the street at least. Pray I never tell you about the other side. Until then....
I don't know what town is exists in, probably the same town where the Motel is, but it is not anyplace that I have actually been in my waking life. It is a single street, very long and straight, and there are a few streets that cross it. There is one big main intersection that is wide and open with the buildings sitting well back from the corners. There is a statue or fountain or something on one corner. And this is the only place in the Marketplace where there is any traffic to speak of though you never have a problem crossing the street.
The main feature of The Marketplace is the shops. They are plentiful to say the least and one can find anything in them. I mean ANYTHING. Near the intersection they are mostly nice little stores selling nice little things. There are some lovely restaurants and cafes. But the further one walks down the street the shops change. I want to tell you about a couple of places that I visited just last night.
There are two shops in The Marketplace that I visit fairly regularly: the music store and the comic shop. They are both long, narrow shops that consist of one or two long aisles. Depending on the dream they can sometimes be open air shops, like they are just rows of product set out along the sidewalk, but usually they are enclosed in building set right against a hillside. They have to be long and thin to fit between the hillside and the street thus making the stores only about 8 feet deep and 100 feet long. The music store has every album by every artist ever and a lot by artist that never existed. The comic shop is filled with comic books and model car kits. They are always packed with customers.
Last night something strange happened. I visited the marketplace and the shops were closed. They have never been closed before. The comic shop and the music store, which this time were both open to the elements, were also closed but because they had no building around them, I could just walk about and look at the stuff on the shelves. There were a couple of other people walking around but I didn't know them. It was very disturbing.
Before I go I have to tell you about one other shop that I haven't been too in a long time. It sits up an empty side street just off The Marketplace. It is a dusty and dark, cramped little store. But the treasures it holds are unimaginable. Like Pandora opened her box and used the contents to open a pawn shop. The wonders. You can find your hearts desire and lose you soul at the same time. I have spent many a long night lost in its magical aisles. Some nights I didn't want to wake up.
I hate those dreams the most.
Well, my Tender ones, that is The Marketplace. Well, one side of the street at least. Pray I never tell you about the other side. Until then....
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Memories of future pasts
Well my Tender Lumplings the days are once again, albeit slowly, getting longer as we make our way to spring. Thought it may not seem like it right now we will soon feel the days warm and the trees will bloom. And while this also means allergy season will start and for two months straight it will feel like someone is hammering a spike into my forehead. But we won't linger on that.
The important thing is I have, perhaps foolishly, been working on a list of things I wish to accomplish this spring. It has gotten me to think about the whole idea of planning. It is at it's core the very essence of optimism. One cannot plan anything without believing that one will eventually reach a point where those plans will be either fulfilled or abandoned. Whether it is either a simple weekend to do list or a freaking wedding, planning is a job for those feel good about the future.
So what do I have on my list of chores? Just the usual spring time type things: clean out the garage; paint the living room; that sort of thing. And a few more ambitious challenges to but I'm not going to tell you about them just yet.
The only problem I see with all of this is that at heart I kind of see myself as a pessimist. The only thing I am really optimistic about is the fact that everything will eventually fail. It's sort of like saying "the only thing that is constant is change" or, even more appropriate "I am positive everything is negative". If this is so, if I am already predisposed to believe that I'll never actually complete any of the stuff on my to do list, then why even write the damn thing out. Could it be that maybe I am an optimist after all? Is there some part of me that thinks things may be OK? I hope so. That would be really cool.
Too bad it's all crap. We're doomed.
Until next time...
The important thing is I have, perhaps foolishly, been working on a list of things I wish to accomplish this spring. It has gotten me to think about the whole idea of planning. It is at it's core the very essence of optimism. One cannot plan anything without believing that one will eventually reach a point where those plans will be either fulfilled or abandoned. Whether it is either a simple weekend to do list or a freaking wedding, planning is a job for those feel good about the future.
So what do I have on my list of chores? Just the usual spring time type things: clean out the garage; paint the living room; that sort of thing. And a few more ambitious challenges to but I'm not going to tell you about them just yet.
The only problem I see with all of this is that at heart I kind of see myself as a pessimist. The only thing I am really optimistic about is the fact that everything will eventually fail. It's sort of like saying "the only thing that is constant is change" or, even more appropriate "I am positive everything is negative". If this is so, if I am already predisposed to believe that I'll never actually complete any of the stuff on my to do list, then why even write the damn thing out. Could it be that maybe I am an optimist after all? Is there some part of me that thinks things may be OK? I hope so. That would be really cool.
Too bad it's all crap. We're doomed.
Until next time...
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Trivial Pursuit
It occurred to me recently that I wanted, for some unknown reason, to post here for all my Tender Lumplings, some little know facts about myself. I know that most of you already know me quite well. There are only three or four of you that have ever read any of these blogs and you are all folks that, well, let's just say we've met. And any others who may have stopped by these pages have gotten a bit of an idea about who I am.
There are a lot of things that are well known about me. I love music and, though I'm not that good at it, I love playing guitar. I don't like being outdoors. And I refuse to wear the color black. There are stories behind all these things and behind the facts I will list in a moment, but I'm not going to go into them now. If any of you would like a more in-depth explanation about any of these bits of trivia just let me know and then watch this space.
So, here goes....
I think that the tinkle of wind chimes in the night is damn creepy sounding.
I love the phrase "sons of bitches".
I had an article published in a British fanzine for author Iain Banks.
I've met Larry Kirwan of the band Black 47.
I've never eaten at a Cheesecake Factory.
I spent Thanksgiving Day 1989 in Key West. Bad idea.
I can't juggle, but I can teach others to juggle.
I was once given the nickname "Figgie Newton".
I have a cat with a "mutant tooth".
I tell people my favorite color is purple but it is really yellow.
I had three freckles in the shape of and "L" on my left arm. After having poison ivy a couple of years ago one of them is gone.
And to answer a couple of questions I'm sure none of you have been asking. Tender Lumplings is a reference to Oingo Boingo and calling myself your humble Narrator is a nod to A Clockwork Orange. Just in case you were wondering.
Anywho, there you go. I'm really pleased with my blogging so far this year. Several entries and it is still January. This could get scary.
There are a lot of things that are well known about me. I love music and, though I'm not that good at it, I love playing guitar. I don't like being outdoors. And I refuse to wear the color black. There are stories behind all these things and behind the facts I will list in a moment, but I'm not going to go into them now. If any of you would like a more in-depth explanation about any of these bits of trivia just let me know and then watch this space.
So, here goes....
I think that the tinkle of wind chimes in the night is damn creepy sounding.
I love the phrase "sons of bitches".
I had an article published in a British fanzine for author Iain Banks.
I've met Larry Kirwan of the band Black 47.
I've never eaten at a Cheesecake Factory.
I spent Thanksgiving Day 1989 in Key West. Bad idea.
I can't juggle, but I can teach others to juggle.
I was once given the nickname "Figgie Newton".
I have a cat with a "mutant tooth".
I tell people my favorite color is purple but it is really yellow.
I had three freckles in the shape of and "L" on my left arm. After having poison ivy a couple of years ago one of them is gone.
And to answer a couple of questions I'm sure none of you have been asking. Tender Lumplings is a reference to Oingo Boingo and calling myself your humble Narrator is a nod to A Clockwork Orange. Just in case you were wondering.
Anywho, there you go. I'm really pleased with my blogging so far this year. Several entries and it is still January. This could get scary.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Does that make me less of a man? I hope so.
I am sick and tired of being fat. I'm not talking "take out the side of the house and load me on a flatbed truck" fat, but I've been carrying several extra pounds for years. I seem to have topped out at about 244. I can't remember ever going over that which is good. Although if I had hit 250 or 260 or something it may have been the kick in the ass I needed to do something. But I, unfortunatly, became somewhat comfortable at 244 and since it never really changed, I was ok. But the last year or two I have not been ok. I am ready to do something.
Last year I had a great idea. I had a motto: Under 2 by 42. I was going to lose the weight and be under 200 by the time of my birthday when I turned 42. That didn't happen so I changed it to Under 2 at 42. This gives me until May to get the fat off. Probably won't lose it all but I'm gonna try. Really.
I know people say this exact same thing alot at this time of year. I have said it many times myself. But this time I meant it. And I've said that before too only to fail after a few weeks. But I'm gonna try. I and my dear one have even resorted to one of those pre-packaged meals things. I was never fond of the idea but I have seen the results first hand. It has worked for several people I know. So, here we go.
Wish me luck, my Tender Lumplings. Hopefully, in future meetings you humble Narrator will not be the same man he is now.
Last year I had a great idea. I had a motto: Under 2 by 42. I was going to lose the weight and be under 200 by the time of my birthday when I turned 42. That didn't happen so I changed it to Under 2 at 42. This gives me until May to get the fat off. Probably won't lose it all but I'm gonna try. Really.
I know people say this exact same thing alot at this time of year. I have said it many times myself. But this time I meant it. And I've said that before too only to fail after a few weeks. But I'm gonna try. I and my dear one have even resorted to one of those pre-packaged meals things. I was never fond of the idea but I have seen the results first hand. It has worked for several people I know. So, here we go.
Wish me luck, my Tender Lumplings. Hopefully, in future meetings you humble Narrator will not be the same man he is now.
Friday, January 6, 2012
No Do Overs, Please
A while back I was having a discussion with some guys I work with about things we had done in our youth. Some things that we looked back on fondly and some, well, not so much. Someone posed that age old question: "what if you could go back and do it all again? Knowing what you know now." Now, at first that seems like a really great idea. Think of what you could change. Think of the bad choices you could avoid. The opportunities you could not miss this time around. My answer to this question, which I gave to my colleagues without hesitation, was that yes, I would like to go back and do it again. But I would want to end up right where I am now. My life isn't perfect, oh no, my Tender Lumplings, not at all but on the whole things are good. I have a job I like well enough with guys I like well enough. I have a bunch of animals and, best of all, the greatest girl in the world. And even though, given the chance, I would change a few things in my past, I would still want to be right here, right now.
See the key part of this idea is that second statement: "knowing what you know now". If you go back to being yourself at say 10 years old, having all the knowledge and experiences you've gained since then taken away, then you are essentially just yourself at 10 again. You can't say whether or not you would do everything the same as the first time or not. But if you become 10 again while retaining everything that has happened since then, then you are the person you have become over the intervening how-ever-many years, but younger, with decades to do over. Then you have a chance to make changes. You know what is going to happen and can act accordingly. I'm not talking about making big changes like stopping Kennedy from being shot or preventing 9/11. Even if you could put yourself in a position to try and do these things, if you succeeded or not, the entire course of history would be affected. So for me, wanting the do-over but not wanting the end result to change, that would be impossible. I'm just talking about small changes.
Well, it just so happens I had a chance to actually do this. Sort of. I a dream. And, my Tender Lumplings, if you have read my blog for a while, you know how my dreams can be.
So, I dreamt that I went back and got to do things over. It wasn't anything that happened in my real life, it was more like I was getting to do over an earlier dream. But I knew everything that was going to happen and I knew the parts I wanted to change. The whole thing happened in a hotel room with me and a bunch of strangers. There was a tornado and something to do with animals on the beach. The plot was rather vague. But the important thing was this: even though I knew what was going to happen next, the people around me were not acting as they should. They were not doing what I remembered them doing the first time around. Even the tornado was moving from west to east instead of the other way around. I found myself trying to make people do what I thought they should do and I couldn't. I had no control at all.
It made me think. If I really went back in time, knowing all I know now, and could do all this again, could I do it. Assuming everything and everyone acted exactly as they had the first time around, then maybe. But you can't assume that. Just like in the dream, I don't think anyone could have the control over everything that they would need. My problem is I would want to change things but keep the same outcome. I don't think that is possible. People who say they would go back to do it again but wouldn't change a thing, just re-live it as it happened the first time, well, I don't think that would be possible either. Only the ones who would want to go back, do things different and didn't care where the journey ended up would be able to do this. Maybe the would be the fun of it. The unknown. I don't know.
But since it is, at least for now, impossible, well it is all moot isn't it?
Until next time...
See the key part of this idea is that second statement: "knowing what you know now". If you go back to being yourself at say 10 years old, having all the knowledge and experiences you've gained since then taken away, then you are essentially just yourself at 10 again. You can't say whether or not you would do everything the same as the first time or not. But if you become 10 again while retaining everything that has happened since then, then you are the person you have become over the intervening how-ever-many years, but younger, with decades to do over. Then you have a chance to make changes. You know what is going to happen and can act accordingly. I'm not talking about making big changes like stopping Kennedy from being shot or preventing 9/11. Even if you could put yourself in a position to try and do these things, if you succeeded or not, the entire course of history would be affected. So for me, wanting the do-over but not wanting the end result to change, that would be impossible. I'm just talking about small changes.
Well, it just so happens I had a chance to actually do this. Sort of. I a dream. And, my Tender Lumplings, if you have read my blog for a while, you know how my dreams can be.
So, I dreamt that I went back and got to do things over. It wasn't anything that happened in my real life, it was more like I was getting to do over an earlier dream. But I knew everything that was going to happen and I knew the parts I wanted to change. The whole thing happened in a hotel room with me and a bunch of strangers. There was a tornado and something to do with animals on the beach. The plot was rather vague. But the important thing was this: even though I knew what was going to happen next, the people around me were not acting as they should. They were not doing what I remembered them doing the first time around. Even the tornado was moving from west to east instead of the other way around. I found myself trying to make people do what I thought they should do and I couldn't. I had no control at all.
It made me think. If I really went back in time, knowing all I know now, and could do all this again, could I do it. Assuming everything and everyone acted exactly as they had the first time around, then maybe. But you can't assume that. Just like in the dream, I don't think anyone could have the control over everything that they would need. My problem is I would want to change things but keep the same outcome. I don't think that is possible. People who say they would go back to do it again but wouldn't change a thing, just re-live it as it happened the first time, well, I don't think that would be possible either. Only the ones who would want to go back, do things different and didn't care where the journey ended up would be able to do this. Maybe the would be the fun of it. The unknown. I don't know.
But since it is, at least for now, impossible, well it is all moot isn't it?
Until next time...
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Take Off Your Headphones and Get Out!
Well my Tender Lumplings another year is upon us and I, your humble Narrator will, again, and just as foolishly as ever, vow to be more prolific in my endeavors to scribe more entries ... ah, heck, I'll try to blog more. There. I said it. I won't do it, but I said it. I won't make any lame excuses this time I'm just going to honest with you and say I'll try. Though we all know I will probably fail. My intentions are good, I really want to blog more and I will try.
There, now that that is over with I'll get on to today's topic. Stupid people. I know, they are everywhere and you will never be able to get rid of them. They make more everyday. If there is one thing that idiots are good at it is making more idiots. Seems to be their only purpose in life. Well, that and to mess things up for the rest of us. Usually we can avoid them or ignore them and pretend they aren't there. But every now and then one gets a microphone.
So, I'm driving home the other day and the DJ, a profession I myself have even held as some point long ago, opens his mouth and lets his idiot out. Now I know that DJs are paid to talk and they have to come up with stuff on the spot to fill in between commercials and songs and usually it is fine. No, their jokes are rarely funny and their "observations de la vie" are pointless and juvenile. But there is one area where they should not show their ignorance: music.
A DJ should know music. Maybe not everything about every kind of music, but have a working knowledge of the genre you are working in. Here is what happened:
The song playing was "Loser" by Beck. It ended and the DJ says "without a doubt the most nonsensical lyrics I have ever heard". Really? I grant you it is one of the top songs for not making much sense but "the most nonsensical" ever? Has this guy ever listened to music before? Probably never heard of Captain Beefheart, Zappa, Robyn Hitchcock? Even pop megastars REM were known for there crazy ass lyrics especially early in their career. "Automotive cheesecake jellybean boom". What the fuck was that about? And let us not forget a certain little band from England called, oh what was it, The Beatles I think. Seriously, what the hell is Lucy In The Skies about? "Boy you've been a naughty girl you let your face grow long"?
OK, maybe I'm nit picking. Maybe I'm making a mole hill from a mountain. The DJ dude was just talking out the hole on his head and wasn't thinking about what he was saying and just talking to kill time. But still, to me it made him sound like a yobbo who wouldn't know B B King from Bert and Ernie. Considering the history and current state of Knoxville TN radio, it is not surprising. The stations suck and they don't employ the top talent out there. They do the best they can I guess.
Still sucks.
There, now that that is over with I'll get on to today's topic. Stupid people. I know, they are everywhere and you will never be able to get rid of them. They make more everyday. If there is one thing that idiots are good at it is making more idiots. Seems to be their only purpose in life. Well, that and to mess things up for the rest of us. Usually we can avoid them or ignore them and pretend they aren't there. But every now and then one gets a microphone.
So, I'm driving home the other day and the DJ, a profession I myself have even held as some point long ago, opens his mouth and lets his idiot out. Now I know that DJs are paid to talk and they have to come up with stuff on the spot to fill in between commercials and songs and usually it is fine. No, their jokes are rarely funny and their "observations de la vie" are pointless and juvenile. But there is one area where they should not show their ignorance: music.
A DJ should know music. Maybe not everything about every kind of music, but have a working knowledge of the genre you are working in. Here is what happened:
The song playing was "Loser" by Beck. It ended and the DJ says "without a doubt the most nonsensical lyrics I have ever heard". Really? I grant you it is one of the top songs for not making much sense but "the most nonsensical" ever? Has this guy ever listened to music before? Probably never heard of Captain Beefheart, Zappa, Robyn Hitchcock? Even pop megastars REM were known for there crazy ass lyrics especially early in their career. "Automotive cheesecake jellybean boom". What the fuck was that about? And let us not forget a certain little band from England called, oh what was it, The Beatles I think. Seriously, what the hell is Lucy In The Skies about? "Boy you've been a naughty girl you let your face grow long"?
OK, maybe I'm nit picking. Maybe I'm making a mole hill from a mountain. The DJ dude was just talking out the hole on his head and wasn't thinking about what he was saying and just talking to kill time. But still, to me it made him sound like a yobbo who wouldn't know B B King from Bert and Ernie. Considering the history and current state of Knoxville TN radio, it is not surprising. The stations suck and they don't employ the top talent out there. They do the best they can I guess.
Still sucks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)